I was lucky enough to live in the path of totality for the solar eclipse! Although I had to work, I did get to see the eclipse, and it was amazing! My boss was actually super cool - about 6 minutes before totality, he went thru the restaurant and called all of us to go outside to see the eclipse. He closed the restaurant for about 15 minutes so we could see the eclipse - and he proved eclipse glasses! Very cool of him. And the eclipse was awesome! I wish my photo was better but alas, my phone camera couldn't do it justice. As for life, I am still struggling with depression. I have so many projects I am wanting to do but just don't have the drive and motivation to actually do them. I have a big commission to do [thankfully the commissioner is super patient with me], a secret project art that is almost due, several personal pieces, adopts that need to be done, and references that need to be completed. I feel super overwhelmed by it all but just can't motivate to actually start or finish anything. :(
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Well, I am still depressed. I have a big commission to start and NEED to start on that soon. But I just haven't had the will to start it. I still have that big piece to finish too with the 4-characters in it. I also don't have the motivation to do that. But I am thinking about it more and getting a little excited over it, so those are some small baby steps. It is just gonna take time to drag myself out of this hole.
I did finish one commission a week ago tho. The comm of two characters doing the heart symbol. I'm pretty proud of it - the posing was difficult, and I think it came out pretty nice! The commissioner and the artist it was gifted to were happy with the end result to!!! Here it is! Well after receiving a very large commission, it has come to my attention that I am doing it wrong lol I am being underpaid for this huge commission. I am still going to do it at the quoted price, but I am upping my price per additional character for full body comms by $10 to adjust for this inaccuracy on my part.
In other news, I might have a smaller commission done today. I have the lines done up now and am going to start coloring after breakfast. I'm just sad right now. Lots going on in life which isn't usually a bad thing, but life right now is making me sad.
Work isn't going great. My hours are so severely cut that I am only on the schedule 2 days a week and then just pray to be called in at least one or two other days. It makes for long days of doing lots of nothing because I am always waiting on a call, so I can't do anything that would keep me from getting that call. I can't really deep dive into any art. There is some cleaning that I won't do like vacuuming on those days because I can't hear my phone ring. I can't game because I might be at a bad spot to log out at if called. Can't really cook anything substantial because I might not have time to finish it if called in. So no baking either. It is really stressful and very hard financially. And it is making me depressed which makes doing ANYTHING that much more difficult as I have lost the drive and motivation needed to function normally... Then my great aunt is in the ICU. She is not doing well. My grandmother has apparently been trying to contact me, but I don't think I've missed any calls. So, my dad today said he gave her my number again, so she can hopefully get thru to me. But I think I will just call her myself. This is my grandmother's sister that is in the ICU, and I know my grandmother must be very sad and worried. Which doesn't help me as I don't want my grandmother to worry and be sad. It is stressing me out that this could negatively impact my grandmother's health as well. She is doing overall okay, but she isn't in the best of health herself. So, any big stressors like this concern me. Then a friend of mine died quite suddenly last week. She went to the hospital because of stomach pain, and within an hour there, her heart stopped. They could not revive her. I am shocked and upset by it, and I haven't really processed my grief. I am just kind of existing in a state of disbelief and general sadness over her death. I've kind of hit my limit and am just by myself a lot trying to avoid the entire subject of her death and anyone trying to cope by talking about her or her death. I will be ok. I am not really sure what to do with myself though. Like I said, I am just basically existing at this point with zero drive and motivation to do anything. I have sketched a little tho. Not much. Just two pieces over the course of a whole month. And since art is something I use to help my mental and emotional health, just doing two sketches in a month is really not a lot. I used to sketch every day. But here they are. Anyways, I hope everyone else is doing better. Hello all.
I have just been putzing around doing mostly nothing. My job situation is not completely improved. I am not getting enough hours and that has put a lot of financial stress on me. Even asking to come into work has not gotten me many more hours. I am not even making 30 hours a week. So today I just stayed home and napped. I don't have a significant other either, so no plans for today besides just rest and relaxation. When my daughter got home from school tho, we did play some Genshin Impact together. She likes us to do our commissions together, so we did that. And then we just ran around and killed random things. We did manage to find her some chests she didn't have yet, so that was pretty exciting. Then, after that, she did a video call with a friend and they played a game together. So, that was pretty nice. Artwise, I have gotten one big piece partway done. At least the lineart portion is done and I've started coloring in small spurts. I have no idea what I am going to do for a background for this tho lol Enjoy! My goodness January just flew by right at the end there! I am a little dizzy over it being February 2nd already!
I did not manage to finish all my planned art in January. I have one big piece with four characters and a small background planned that did not get done. The sketch is done... but I haven't started anything beyond that. So missing the goal of completing that artwork by January 31st sucks and has me feeling a bit down. Also work is going to be picking up, so I get to juggle art and work more often again. I really hope I can find the sweet spot, so I don't feel overwhelmed or stop doing art altogether from being overwhelmed. Wish me luck! Weather is supposed to get bad again... possibly more snow BUT I haven't heard mention of a bunch of ice, so we should be ok and able to make it to work and school during the next winter storm here in Arkansas. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Art in January went alright - as I said, I missed my goal by one piece of art. But overall, I got quite a bit finished. The star piece from January is the artwork I did for my kid of a character she likes. What do you think of the art? Well, in my last journal entry, I talked about the possibility of missing work and whatnot, and the near worst case scenario happened. I did miss two days of work, and my daughter missed a whole week of school. Is it the end of the world? No. Does it still suck? Yes. I, thankfully, disaster prepare all the time [I have serious anxiety issues]. So, I am financially ready to have a short check. I don't want a short check, but it is what it is. In the end, the snow and ice was pretty, we didn't lose power, our pipes did not freeze, and we remained safe and sound in the comfort of our home [and even my car managed to not be damaged from driving thru yards]. So I have very little to complain about and a lot to celebrate! Over the course of the week I was snowed/iced in, I did manage to get some art done. I made several new Ambrivan adopts [my original species] as well as got two additional art pieces done: an example art for my pageant and a fanart of a character my daughter requested. So all-in-all it was a pretty productive week! All four adopts are claimed and with their new homes/owners now <3
Well, we got a couple inches of snow last night. There's some ice mixed in with that as well, but that hasn't stopped my baby from having a good time. Today is MLK Day, so no school. We WERE SUPPOSED to collectively go to daycare and work this morning. BUT... When I went out at 5am to check the conditions, I didn't think it was all too slick, so I figured we could make it out of our neighborhood and have a full day of daycare and work. I WAS WRONG.
We got in the car at about 6:15am and backed out into the street. It felt a little slick, but I knew that was gonna happen. I figured I just needed to take it slow. So down the hill we went and then starting up the next hill when the car started sliding sideways and tires started spinning. It didn't matter what way I turned the steering wheel or put on the brakes, we were sliding. And we slid into a neighbors yard, ending up facing the completely wrong way. I tried to steer us out of the neighbors yard and back onto the street, but we just kept sliding sideways further into their yard. Finally I decided to just go forward, and that worked. Tires still slipping, but we were moving forward, and I just eeked the steering wheel ever so slightly to the right to steer us out of my neighbors yard. By the time we got back onto the street, we were almost back at the house, so I just slowly eeked us up the rest of the slope and into the driveway, slipping and sliding the whole way. The car is fine. We are fine. That is what is important. But today's greatest fear came true: I had to call out of work. That was my biggest fear when they announced this storm was that I would miss work and in turn miss out on money from my paycheck. The rest of the week isn't looking so hot either. We are supposed to see some melting on Wednesday, but it is supposed to refreeze with a new winter storm Wednesday night. The school already cancelled for tomorrow, and if it doesn't melt till Wednesday afternoon, I fear a closure then too. Add to that wet roads in freezing weather later Wednesday evening and night, we could see more closures as road conditions prove unsafe. So that is my new fear is that I will miss a week of work that I can't afford... But Emma is enjoying her time! Can't beat that awkward smile haha My kiddo came home on January 7th, and we had our Christmas that evening. She opened tons of presents and had quite the fun reactions to her presents. She was so stoked with what she received, and she was very grateful [dare I say even polite?!]. On January 8th, we went to visit grandma and grandpa to have Christmas with them as well. More presents were opened, and she loved them all! We saved three presents from our house to open at grandma and grandpa's house too, so there was actually quite a bit to open.
I am so happy to have my baby home, and I am so grateful for the time she was able to spend with her dad as well [even tho I missed her like crazy!!]. She came home with tons of presents from her dad's house, and I know that wasn't all of them. Some presents stayed at her dad's house lol What a lucky kid this Christmas! And for me, a lucky mama <3 I am literally counting down the days until my daughter gets back, and we have two more to go before she's home! I am so excited! Add to that excitement... IT SNOWED TODAY! Mind you it melted within a couple of hours, but we did get a decent bit of snow. Kind of a big deal living down here in the south USA lol. We don't get snow a lot. And it was weird because my daughter is further north right now than I am, but she reports no snow at her dad's house. So that is a bummer she missed the snow. She loves snow and always wishes for it during the winter. Hopefully we will have another little snow coming this year yet, so she can enjoy it too! This is my house after it snowed. By the time I got outside to take a photo, it was already sleeting and turning to rain. You can see it melting already on the driveway, but it was adorable while it lasted lol
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AuthorThese are just notes and scraps and updates about me and my life. I am Mamalantiis, and I welcome you on this journey. Also, I am a terrible writer lol Archives
April 2024
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